How To Save Marriage and Where Do I Begin?

May 23rd, 2009 by admin

If you’re asking yourself “How to save marriage…?” and you are looking online for ways to do this then no doubt your unhappy marriage situation is far advanced and weighing heavily on your mind.

The first step is to give yourself a time for reflection before you set-out on any given plan to bring your marriage relationship back to a mutually loving, supportive and nuturing state. You may be feeling the need to act immediately but nearly always that sort of emotional action just results in doing or saying things that damage the relationship with your spouse even more than it is already.

Whatever the feelings of your spouse are at the moment, they aren’t going to change so fast, so take a little ‘time-out’ to gather your thoughts together so that whatever actions you will soon be taking will be wise ones.

On how to save marriage – a good step forward

First of all you need to talk to your spouse to find out if they’re interested in considering how to save marriage; then ask them for their perception of what is wrong with the marriage and first and foremost, what parts are they finding unacceptable. Now you will probably find this hard to have to listen to, and you may think that what they say is completely untrue – but don’t say so …at this point, you need to just listen. Hard, I know.

If you find it impossible not to comment, then just say something like “I am hearing what you say and although at this minute I cannot agree with you, I am going to reflect on these points you’re making objectively over the next few days… “. You can even write them down, showing your spouse what you have written and asking them if this corrrectly states what they are trying to communicate to you.

This will actually serve 2 useful purposes: they will feel that you are respecting their feelings (even if you don’t agree with them) and even though they may not admit it at this time, it will help lessen any resentment they are feeling. Secondly, you have it down on paper and that could be useful if they say ‘other things’ in the future. It also helps clear understanding on both sides and is a small building brick for better communication.

Even though their list may be long (and as far as you are concerned, maybe un-founded) when they have stated all their grievances and have run out of reasons, still ask them if there is anything else they wish to add – and give them time to think until they feel that they have given you all their reasons. If you really want to do a thorough job, ask them to write down any others they may remember over the next few days and let you know about them.

I know this can be very hard step to take but it really can get your ‘how to save marriage’ efforts off to a very good start. Be strong!

Click here for our How to Save Marriage Action Plan for more tips to start saving your marriage in lasting and positive ways that will bring happiness…