Bizarre situation with husband, dont know how to save marriage?
Question by Laura: Bizarre situation with husband, dont know how to save marriage?
I have been married for 8 years and recently found out that my husband has numerous fetishes. I found out because he had sent a female coworker an email, saying He has a deep dark embarrassing secret he has to tell her. He told me he was going to tell her he wears panties and has a small penis. My husband is 37 and she is 21 and they are not friends just coworkers! I freaked out, told him this could never happen again. Two weeks later, he tells me another female coworker wants to watch him dress up as a women, that she was calling him, so he wants to have a three some with her. I didnt believe him, so I checked his phone, he had been calling her relentlessly and texted and she would not respond to him. Then he told me he had been watching our neighbor through her window undress and he wanted to find out what apt. she lives in, because he wanted to call her to see if she wanted to watch him get dressed up as a woman! He latest thing is, he wants to go to the mall and wear womens panties and flash the panties at women. He says he is totally normal and I have jealousy issues. I think he needs help, for the sake of our marriage and children. Thank you for any advice…
Best answer:
Answer by Ryde On
He needs to cut that shyt out with coworkers so he doesn’t get in trouble at work.
Neighbors and women at the mall I see no problem with.
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Tags:Bizarre,don't,husband,know,Marriage,Save,situation
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I think he’s trying to be open with you, but I think if he isn’t in control of his fetishes, he may need help. The fact that he wants to wear women’s clothing isn’t the troubling issue here. I feel the fact that he has been reaching out to others, many of them unwanting of the attention, is a sign that this may create a huge rift in your marriage, and ultimately, may lead to separation. Furthermore, if his coworkers feel harassed he may lose his job. In addition, if the neighbor sees him watching, she may contact the police. This could be a very big problem for your family if not dealt with in the proper manner. Perhaps try marriage counseling. Make sure to approach him in a way that he won’t get defensive (explain to him that you understand the urge, but do not approve of the way he is executing it). I hope this works and I wish you the best.
dressing in women’s panties or flashing them at you is ok but going outside of the marriage bed makes him an adulterous swine… do You really want such a jerk as a family role model for your kids or bringing home some sexually acquired disease to you? perhaps solidifying your personal finances and the home for the children should be your priority.
When things turn to the sexual, you can know the problem will be IN the sexual arena.
Your husband has low self-esteem when it comes to his own GENDER IDENTITY! He cannot answer his life question of :”Do I have what it takes to be THE MAN?” (“Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge)
As he cannot answer this question on his own, he turns to the only place he can find some kind of outside affirmation of his gender identity. He then goes to the woman! But because of his perceived low self-esteem (surrounding his sexuality), he cannot operate in the realm of REALITY. In reality he has to STAND UP and face his conflict. He can’t do this. (If he could, he would have done it when he was 15yo!) Instead, he turns to forms of fantasy where he can get the validation he is too immature to provide on his own. And you now know that you can’t provide it either!
If he was open and willing – he would take his issues to you……his own wife. But he can’t go there because his deepest insecurities are about his own mmasculinity He sees himself as not worthy….as a man.
You said it in the second sentence…..”he has a deep, dark EMBARRASSING secret he has to tell her….”
Get that book!
You read it first and come to understand what “gender validation” really means. He doesn’t need rejection. He needs AFFIRMATION of who he is as a man.
I agree with ann. The reaching out is a sign that he may be lacking attention, or wanting more.
I would have jealousy issues as well.
He’s heading for problems in several areas including, misuse of company email to send messages to coworkers about his fetishes. You may not like the idea of him cross dressing so you should speak to him about it and why it is a turn on for him.
I suggest you speak with him about your sex life, does he find it satisfying? Do you find it satisfying? Can anything change to give deeper satisfaction. I guess quite a lot of his problems are about his level of dissatisfaction and that’s not a reflection upon you but on his thinking.
Does he read porn, or could that contribute to his behaviour.
If a neighbour undressed at the window, most men would watch the proceedings! Cannot blame him for being hot blooded, but to call on her is asking for trouble, she may not know he watches. Best wishes
I’m guessing you are a troll because I can’t imagine any other woman who wouldn’t have already filed for divorce based on just the ick factor (unless she was in to this type of stuff).
This is a classic case of what happens when you hit him in the head with that frying pan!