Can you forgive your man for being unfaithful?
Question by : Can you forgive your man for being unfaithful?
Ok, follow-up to last weeks question, I have now found out that what my husband of five years described as a “stupid drunk kiss, one time” is in reality a year-long fling he has been having with my single best friend (not anymore) right under my nose. He’s been kissing her when I go to the restroom, kissing her when I go to bed (she usually crashes on our couch after we have all been drinking) and kissing her in her car (when the two of them would go to the store). He swears it meant nothing (typical) and has made an appointment with a very expensive psychologist for today to get help. I am beating myself up because I feel like such an idiot… and I am SHOCKED at his behavior. He’s always been a good man and he has told me time and time again how he would never do something like this. My question… ladies (or gentile men) how do I move on? How do I stop thinking such terrible things in my mind over and over again like how he kissed her, did he look in her eyes, did he enjoy it. I am going crazy. It’s only been three days since the whole thing came out… will time heal? What would you do, do you think you could forgive? Would you invest the time and money and effort in saving your marriage. We have kids but both from our first marriages which both ended due to the other being unfaithful btw. You’d think he would have learned by going through it himself…
Please BE NICE… I don’t want to hear “divorce his a$ $ ” or “kick him to the curb.” Thanks
Best answer:
Answer by Scarlet Cougar
I’ll tell you again, and I am not being mean, I don’t think that you can ever get past this betrayal.
If the woman would have been a stranger, it would be different.
But if you can’t even trust him within your inner circle, he is not worth having.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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Okay, knowing full well that he doesn’t respect you enough to be faithful should be the first step to recovery because if a man doesn’t respect you then he’s DEFINITELY not good enough for you. But having been in this situation, I have found that the best way to heal it for the time being is to find yourself a good distraction, i.e. a man who’ll show you some good attention even it mean letting loose and having a good one night stand…you don’t want to go down to his level but there is nothing wrong with getting what you want every once in awhile. ABOVE ALL DO NOT compromise your feelings and let him walk all over you. First off I’ll guarantee that there was more than just kissing involved and second, if he’s done it once and you let it go, he’ll do it again because he knows he can get away with it. Now that’s not to say its a bad idea to forgive him, because I found that forgiving can be VERY healing but that doesn’t mean you have to allow him to be in your life. I know that right now it seems that it will never end but if you think about it…this has happened before and you got over it didn’t you? If I’ve learned anything in my life it’s that time heals everything so that’s all its going to take…you’re a strong independant woman and you’ve got kids who need to learn from you so the best thing is to pick yourself up and say “I can learn from this experience” that way your kids can see how strong you are. If all else fails, grab a vibrator and take a nice long relaxing bath. But always be confident in who you are!
People say you can, it happened to me, I don’t think I really forgave him, I just don’t think about it as much. Even though I’m still with him. And he hasn’t done anything like that again. When I found out I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. But I know this, if it was to happen again I would say don’t let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya. It will always be in the back of your mind. You will have a lot wondering going on. Don’t let it consume you. It’s is a hurtful situation. The ultimate slap in the face. Good luck and I hope it works out for you two.
I’m being nice tho you may read somethings you might not want to so sorry for being honest and openly objective.
Yes forgive him, no point in holding on to that crap into the future life of yours. to me at this point i would say to myself. do i want to go on in this relationship? if i do I will have daily reminders of this affair if i do have these daily reminders? If you can live like that then try to work it out!
if not I suggest you move on.
for me I’d move on. how can you ever trust him again?