DIVORCE or RECONCILIATION? what is your opinion on my husbands actions?
Question by plantasmile: DIVORCE or RECONCILIATION? what is your opinion on my husbands actions?
We are ironing out the details on a controlled separation based on a book i discovered that has 12 guidelines that if followed completely could save your marriage. Using the theory that everything is planned ahead of time,such as time limit,how much contact, sex, financial etc.. therefore leaving no room for bickering, The 2nd and very important guideline is that both parties both promise not to pursue divorce for the set amount of time. (ours is 6 months) well he filed for divorce before we agreed to this plan and now tells me he doesn’t want to withdraw the filing’ but will promise not to take any action 4the 6 mos. I’m wondering if our divorce will finalize itself if not withdrawn?I live in Oregon. I had my attorney accept the papers in my behalf but we have not gone any further than that. I don’t see how we can fix this marriage as long as this filing is in effect. It’s hanging over my head and making me walk on eggshells. My husband tells me he loves me and wants it to work.
Best answer:
Answer by Jeanie
Both parties usually have to sign divorce papers, until then it is just money paid to a lawyer. I’d tell him that you would be more comfortable if he had them withdrawn.
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Tags:actions,divorce,husbands,opinion,RECONCILIATION
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My last marriage counselor told me that a marriage never got saved after someone filed for divorce. My ex-wife had filed for divorce at the time. He was certainly right in our case – that was the last straw for me.
You are putting WAY too much emphasis on a book!! Seek professional counseling..there are NO short cuts to saving a marriage.
Wow, now I understand you anger about my joking. You won’t find what you seek in a book. It’s in your heart, it really is. You either love each other or you don’t. If you don’t start there, you can never reach the end. Good luck to you, truly. Have a great eternity! Excelsior!
“I’m wondering if our divorce will finalize itself if not withdrawn?I”
LOL nothing, I repeat nothing happens in the legal system by itself. You are lucky if you spend 10′s of thousands of dollars to force it through in 5 years.
No-one who was serious about making the marriage work would be the one to file the divorce papers.
He filed because he IS looking towards a divorce. If he says he “wants to work on the marriage” but does not withdraw the papers, I would suspect that he’s going ahead, and just wants as little fight from you as he can get. Then he can proceed, saying that it was mutual, as you didn’t contest any of it. Talk to your lawyer. It could be that the 6 months is enough to finilize the divorce, and he’s just hoping to wait you out.
But if he filed just to use it as leverage against you, against the plans you two made, then I would have to wonder why you’d want him. If he’s using it as a threat “If I don’t get more of what I want, I’ll go ahead with it.” then I’d say go for it, cause who wants to live under constant threat anyway?