How can I save my marriage after an affair?
Question by 1: How can I save my marriage after an affair?
I’m married to my husband for 8 years now. Our marriage had ups and downs. After about a year of marriage he started getting drunk every weekend and sleeping in until 3:00pm in the afternoon I was getting frustrated. He also has a “World of War craft” game addiction which means he would spend hours and hours on the computer playing this game. On a typical Saturday night he would be upstairs playing on his computer while I was downstairs watching TV.
We would never do things together like others couples do. I have asked him to stop drinking and start spending time with me. He would stop drinking for a little while and stop playing his game and then a few weeks later, he would get back to his addictions. I felt very lonely and could not handle it anymore, so I told him that I wanted a divorce. He ignored that. Then I met a guy in college and things happened that should have not happened. I felt accepted by that new guy; he gave me what I so craved for all this years and I ended up having an affair. My husband found out and all the sudden started losing weight, shaving on a daily basis, wanting to work out with me and spending more time together. My husband said that he loved me and he wanted our marriage to save. Deep down I did too, I still love him deeply and the affair was a very bad mistake on my part. I should have never done it…I feel so bad about it. Now, three months later my husband said that he could not live with the thought anymore that I had an affair and he wants some distance. We still own a house together, he wants to sell it and move into separate places for a while. I told him that our relationship is not going to be saved if we live in separate places. I still love him and I want to save my marriage, but I don’t want to live in separate places…………I just don’t know what to do? What can I do to save this marriage and win his trust back?
Best answer:
Answer by forlornhope664
all depends if you want to save the marriage…
you can try TALKING…
then you can see what he wants in return… 
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You both have to want this. For him, what is to say that if he starts gaming and drinking again, that you won’t go out and find affection elsewhere? If he says space, then he needs space.
Well, you have both made some very bad choices. I used to be into that whole WOW and drinking thing, so I know how he feels as well as you, I am lucky my wife didn’t leave me over it. It’s been 6 months and we still fight about it. As for your cheating and not wanting to separate I would think the only thing you could do would be litterally beg him and ask him for you guys to go to marriage counselingand than after that if he wants to separate, then fine.
Here’s what you should do to get him to agree to this:
Good luck.
Put on something sexy, surprise him, jump him and fk his brains out. Then afterward, tell him how much you love him and that you will not accept you guys separating and that you are going to get counseling first. Wait…back up, lol, first get him hot and then get him to agree to the counseling, then jump him
If you want him you need to regain his trust. Tell him you love his turnaround. Tell him that you love him. Make sure he knows why you did what you did and tell him that it won’t happen again because of what he is doing.
If he wants to separate it might be that he has someone else. Ask him and check it out. If he is in love with her it might be harder or impossible to repair.
Too many people feel that once they get married they no longer have to work on the relationship. It is a way of thinking, “I already got her/him so now I can sit back and relax”. What this way of thinking does is take the spouse for granted. It is difficult for any marriage to survive this and having an affair is one way to escape the misery and loneliness in the marriage. I do not condone affairs, but I can sometimes understand how a person finds themselves in one. The first thing that has to happen in the marriage is for your husband to see his part in all of this. He needs to take responsibility for the breakdown in the marriage. And you need to learn to forgive yourself for the affair and make a personal promise on never doing it again. You do not run from your problems, you either stay and fix them or get a divorce. I believe with intensive counselling this marriage can be saved. For now your husband is suffering from the reality of being betrayed in the worst way to the point anger and resentment are setting in. Give him space to work this through, and get you and give involved in therapy when the right time comes. Good luck to you!
Your affair was a cry for help. Your husband neglected you and made you feel like crap. He didnt want to make positive changes until AFTER your loneliness and desperation drove you having an affair.
Men – take note please – This is the number one reason why women have affairs – because we want to feel loved.
You have both made mistakes. Your husband is now punishing you for hurting him.
If you both want to save your marriage, you MUST seek counselling so that you can understand each others pain, forgive and rebuild your trust for each other (because YES! your husband must also re-earn your trust, so you can trust that he will love and care for you and your feelings in the future!)
Good luck.