How can i save my marriage? or should i just get divorce papers…?
Question by Eva: How can i save my marriage? or should i just get divorce papers…?
I’m Chinese and My husband is American. We got married at the end of 2008. We had ups and downs but he just left me 3 days ago. He just said he was not happy and moved out like that. It was so sudden and shocking to me.
He never gave me any specific reason for “breaking up”, but i kinda know he thinks he is constrained by marriage and he’s lost his freedom, especially when we planned to have a baby. Actually we’d been trying 4 months for a baby but we were not successful for some reason. He never wanted a baby but he denied it when i asked if he didn’t want one at all.
He acts like a teenager, a spoiled child who needs to get what he wants and if he can’t, he move out. could a man be like this — disregard of two years’ marriage, disregard of our happy memories and just move out like this?
He wouldn’t talk to me about this at all. and he wouldn’t talk about this to his friends or family members.
anyway he told me this on 1st of July and moved out in a week. He had to stay to look for an apartment. The house we had been living in together is MINE. During this week i’d tried every means to persuade him to stay, to show how much i love and care about him, to talk about our old good memories, to talk about traveling and relaxing in future…. he wouldn’t listen. The more i tried to show my love, the more he became patient and callous, even hateful sometimes, and the more he wanted to move out. To him, moving out is non-negotiable….
We haven’t got our divorce papers yet but you see, he just moved out and refused to communicate. So divorce is inevitable. I don’t even think he cares if or when we get divorce papers. He just doesn’t care, as long as he has his freedom..
I’m sure he doesn’t have an affair or a gf outside the house.
He hurt me to death. But i loved and STILL love him. I want him back, but he never wants to talk to me. he’s been out for 6 days so far, no message, no phone call, no email, just nothing. but it’s not surprising to me. I already expected based on how he treated me when he broke up with me.
So now it’s like: If i don’t initiate the divorce process, he wouldn’t do anything about it either. if i start the divorce process, he will follow. No matter what i choose, he won’t come back home or change his selfish and irresponsible behavior. I’m just wondering why a man wouldn’t think about his responsibilities thoroughly BEFORE he got married. so two years after he got married, he regrets, he wants his freedom and just went away from your life like this? SIGH
Best answer:
Answer by Needing help
Did you all spend much time apart while you were married? I would honestly just let time heal this wound. It seems he was set on leaving and if he has made no contact by this point it either means he is thinking it through or he is really done and does not want to speak to you, which is unfortunate. As to why he didn’t think about it before…it’s kind of like everyone has this image painted in their head of love and marriage and if it does not work out that way they are disappointed and therefore ‘crushed’
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