How do you save your marriage after a long-time emotional affair?
Question by Shooter Girl: How do you save your marriage after a long-time emotional affair?
My husband and I have been married less than 2 yrs. We have a 3 yr old child together. My hubby also has a 14 yr old son with his ex-wife. In the past, I have intercepted text messages from the ex-wife to my hubby that are very inappropriate, ie. I love you and I think of you, I miss you, I wish you weren’t with her, etc. My husband has admitted to having an inappropriate relationship with her and says that he knows it would never work between them, but he still loves her. He knows that she manipulates him and uses him as an ego boost. He has also admitted to me that she does alot of the things she does to anger me. She left him over 10 years ago after cheating on him with a man that was nearly 40 years her senior. There has been a general deterioration in our marriage due to the infiltration of the ex-wife and also due to the fact that he allows her to do these things and won’t put a stop to it. I know I am up against a great evil, and I know that it will be extremely hard to overcome this. A few months ago, my husband moved 8 hours away to undertake a new carrer opportunity. A few weeks after he left, he told me he wanted to separate. Then I found out from his ex-wife that he enlisted her help in finding a divorce attorney. Last week, my hubby tells me he has had a change of heart and that he wants to work on saving this marriage and all that jazz. Well, I made the 8 hour trip to where he is living, and when I got here I found over 100 text messages between my hubby and the ex, professing their undying love for one another. She recently broke up with her fiance and so she was in need of an ego-boost from my husband. I confronted him, he says it is over between them, and that he wants me and not her. I am not even sure that I can learn to accept this, or figure out how to trust him! I don’t want to be the nagging wife, or the nosey, snooping wife. Is there anything I can do to encourage him to be a stronger husband with a deeper sense of respect and commitment to out child and our marriage, or am I a fool to believe he can let go of what he used to have? I do not want to get a divorce, I believe strongly in the vows of marriage, but I do also believe that this is considered adultery.
Best answer:
Answer by Shane
Well the thing is if he loves her, there’s nothing really that can split them apart believe me, there’s a difference between liking and loving someone and it usually won’t ever break. Hunny if he’s doing that leave him if he truly wanted to be with you he’ll come running back, kick him out of the house etc..
Could you return the favor? Its a bit important and its on relationship topic.
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this is considered adultery and your husband shouldn’t be professing his love to his exwife when he is married to you. he just needs to make up his mind already and get his ex-wife off his back (literally and metaphorically)
you can cut a friend ez you can throw a family to ez you can changed a woman ez gf too
and you say you have a fake friend she said she needs lover also it not you;)
emotional cheating could be just as bad, if not worse than physical cheating. I understand your feelings and regardless I don’t know how to tell you to handle it. In the end these wounds may not heal, and I am sorry. I believe that all marriages can be saved through communication, rebuilding trust, and hard work, but it takes both people willing to put in the time, and there are guarantees.
It is considered adultery. If you want to stay with him, you two will need marriage counseling because to get over that on your guys own is nearly impossible. You will always have trust problems with him and I would have a word with his ex wife that she is to not talk to him except it is about their child. Otherwise, you can get a restraining order against her so she does not disturb your marriage again. I know they have a kid together, but she crossed the boundary of your guy’s marriage. Your husband also has to step up to the plate and learn to tell her to shut up.
Honestly, I would leave because that is an emotional affair and he told you he still loves her. He should not still be in love with her, only you.
Your choice is simple – move on and find someone who wants a life with you. Life is too short to have to fight for everything that a loving and trusting husband would gladly offer you.
You cannot win. Sorry.
WHY ON EARTH would you drive to see him?? If he really wants to make it work, he’ll move back home, seek out a good marriage counselor and cut off all contact with her.
It’s time to face reality that your marriage is over. Get over the “vows of marriage” and grow a spine already.
If both you and your husband are serious about saving your marriage, the very first thing he needs to do is break off all contact with her. That will be hard for him to do, considering they have a child together, but he will have to communicate to her through another person – for the rest of his life.
Next I would suggest that you contact the organization below, they can and will help you.
It’s a long road and will take a long time – YEARS – your relationship will never be the same again. The hurt lessens, the betrayal diminishes, but it’s always there. Marriage counseling will help you through this, you have to both decide that you will NEVER, EVER bring it up again.
When two people love each other very much and care for one another then you just don;t do the things that you mentioned above. You want a loving relationship. I waited 26 years to find my true love and she is the world to me and we do everything together.
Do not waste your time trying to heal a broken heart when your husband has already broke the circle of trust. Your not going to play second fiddle to him are you? You best wake up and take a good look at yourself. what is it worth to have a wonderful marriage with happiness? You find that special person in your life and you will not have to deal with a husband that doesn’t care about you or your feelings.