Is it possible to save my marriage.. or should I divorce my husband?
Question by JE: Is it possible to save my marriage.. or should I divorce my husband?
My husband and I got married at 18 & 23 not knowing each other very well. We were prob too young I admit. Now two years later we have a 6 month old baby.
He started lying, manipulating, abusing me about 4 months into the marriage. Then he stopped doing all the things he was doing that made me so mad and started doing them behind my back.. when I would catch him or get upset about him blowing savings on a brand new motorcycle he would become abusive. It has only gotten worse to the point where he says he is working and I’d find movie tickets from those nights in his pockets, empty liquor bottles behind the seat in his work truck, flower receipts (I haven’t gotten any flowers lately =( ) etc.
Finally I decided enough was enough and he needed to take me seriously so after an incident where he was choking me and pushing me around I called the police. He was arrested and issued a no contact order for one year. He was released after 24 hrs and his hearing is in August… I still love him, but realize I may still be blind. I want more than anything for him to be different I wish so bad that this all never happened.. but it did. However I still want to be a family SOOO bad!! I used to say I would NEVER get a divorce and can still not see myself with anyone but my sons father!!! Am I crazy?? Can a man like this change?? Should I divorce him?? Give him another chance after he completes his 16 domestic abuse case??? When I meet w the county attorney should I have the charges dropped so that he can continue his career working for the police??
I want to divorce him to show him I am serious.. but at the same time don’t want him to find anyone else.
*16 week domestic abuse CLASS.
*Also should I have the no contact order taken off after the hearing or should I leave it so that he can not see me or his son for one year =(
Best answer:
Answer by iBankai
Look, honey.
If this man is being abusive you MUST leave him.
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Tags:divorce,husband,Marriage,possible,Save,should
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That POOR baby, what gives you the right to bring a baby into a situation like that!? And you are still having doubts of leaving the scumbag! Shame on you!! That baby deserves a healthy safe and happy environment and he relying on YOU to provide that!!!
a man could change only if he is ready to i would give him his space leave him if it were meant to be he will be back
Leave now or later Its your choice. But you kno what? your gonna leave sooner or later. Most like his not gonna change. My parent for a matter other fact. My mom had problems with me dad when they Just got married. The cheating the some times beating. He changed alittle as they got older. But guess what 15 years later he got gaught cheaat..STILL. If hurted then and it hurted now. Really it hurts more when you add more year. Because you never get use to the pain.
It’s a question of what you are willing to endure for the /hope/ of change. He can change and you are taking responsible steps for yourself to not enable him, but it takes years for real change to happen /once/ he decides to make it happen.
He also has to be committed to the marriage but failing to handle the stress of it. Not being totally irresponsible and cheating and completely uncommitted. He’ll never change as long as he keeps living like he’s single.
You need to separate, keep the no contact order and focus on yourself and your child for the next year. Even if he’s “around” it doesn’t sound like he’s helping anyway; may as well be alone and safe. Maybe this will be the serious wake-up call he needs and will change for you. Maybe he’ll blame you and wake away.
Talk to the DA about the impact to his job if he’s convicted and what the implications are already. It really is your choice to press charges or not. Since you are his wife, you don’t have to testify even if they press charges without you. If you don’t press charges he may see it as the gift it is later or he might still not give two shits and continue to obliviously live his shallow life.
See what he does over the next two months to determine if you press charges.
See what he does over the next year to decide if you divorce.
You do not have to decide with finality right this second.
No. Don’t Divorce him. He’s facing himself being required to take this class. Maybe this will humble him enough to reliaze what he has and
what he might lose. You and your son. The problem isn’t you, it’s him.
I hope he will be able to say to himself” i am responsible for what i do,nobdy else”. If he can come to the place where he can take responsibilty for his actions and STOP blaming you and every onelse,
then there’s hope. If not, then he will continue to feel sorry for himself and keep telling himself” pour me another Drink”. If he responds without rebelling to the consequences of HIS actions{class} and follows through, then you know he really loves you. Hard “knocks” in life have a way of humbling us to see the truth about ourselfs. I Pray he will not rebel and submit to correction. I feel the pain in your heart friend. God Bless you. Pray for your Husband. God hears the cry of our Broken heart ,even when we think He’s not there!