Q&A: Would you save your marriage or choose divorce?

Question by lpnlab: Would you save your marriage or choose divorce?
I know this is ultimately my decision but I would like to see what others think or what they would do in this situation. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for 6 years (both of us are 26y/o) Throughout our relationship there have been a number of unexplained instances where he’s been online chatting to other women or texting his ex. He was always hiding his phone & had it on vibe. We even changed his number a couple of times. About 3 years into our relationship we decided to buy a house together to quit wasting money on rent in an apartment. Barely one month after moving into the house i find he had been talking to his ex and even texted some pics of himself (if you know what i mean) to her. I was scared to leave because we had just got this house together so we went to counseling to try and figure things out. I had started to trust him again and we got married a year later. (yah i know, stupid on my part) We started having issues again, plain old fashioned marriage issues, so we went to another counselor. While there I had brought up what he’d done in the past so everything was out in the open. I thought things were going well, even though there was still some tension between us. Well in October of last year he had left his email open (an email that i didn’t know he had) and there was an email from one girl saying that she missed him and such blah blah blah. it was dated while we were seeing our second counselor. The other email was from a different girl that had sent half naked pictures of herself dated July of last year. In June of last year we had started the “family talk”. I just don’t know how any of this makes sense. A little under 2 months before i found those emails, we had really started to distance from each other. It seemed no matter how hard i tried he didn’t want to come to bed, do things around the house, nothing. So when he said he was changing his days off at work so we no longer had one day off together, i just gave up. I started talking to his best friend. It really was just pure innocent chatting, someone to talk to. After that and the finding of the emails, we separated. We’ve been separated for almost 6 months now and divorce papers filed and a courts appointment the end of April. This past week I have been thinking a lot about it all and have started missing him. I have been fine without him around for 6 months now but when i think of that court date and us divorcing it brings me to tears. i just don’t want to see this happening in another couple of years. How long do you put up with something before its just to much? I look at all we have together and want it to be ok, but will it ever be ok? Anyone who’s been thru this or going thru this please give me your input or how you dealt. I just don’t trust my own judgment anymore. Thank you for reading all of this, i tried to shorten it a bit.
the first 3 months of separation he tried a lot to “get me back”. said i could quit my job and not have to work, he would do anything to make it work, obsessively called my mom and our friends to talk about us. The night i told him i wanted out he flipped out screaming and crying & my mom ended up calling the sheriffs dept just in case. He’s left me alone since February minus a few calls to figure divorce stuff out. he actually had me served because i was taking to long to do it but its “what you want” he said.

Best answer:

Answer by Bill F
Hon, you don’t have a marriage to save. See the divorce through. Then take some time to heal, but move on with your life. You might miss him now, but you’ll get over him, trust me.

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