Sister in Law Problems, please help me save my marriage!?
Question by NS: Sister in Law Problems, please help me save my marriage!?
First of all, I don’t want Divorce as a solution. I am asking for your views to help me save my marriage. I don’t want to break my marriage, my husband may be out of line and weak but still its my relationship that i wish to maintain.
My husband has four elder sisters and 3 of them are totally dominating. My husband loves his sisters, sometimes more than his wife and 3 month old baby. I get along with them to but there is silent rivalry as they are scared of losing thier brother to this marriage. Somehow this family believes that spouses take you away from their families. They speak sarcastically about me to my husband and manipulate thier words in such a way that it doesn’t even sound like they are turning him against me. Its not in my mind, coz i have heard voicemails, heard conversations and they talk shit about me in very diplomatic way where they will point out my mistakes and also act like they like me. They dont tell me this on my face, if they are really sincere, why can’t they tell me their issues. If my husband praises me, they tease my husband and tell him that he is running after his wife. During any argument if my husband supports me, they manipulate his emotionally and he ends up supporting them. I know my husband is at fault because he doesnt know where to draw lines, i have talked to my husband multiple times to no avail. He thinks i should not bother about this as it will cause rift in family, he tells me that i misunderstand them. I can swear its not misunderstanding, I see it everyday. They call my husband twice everyday and take up his time that he should be spending with his son and me. My husband is probably scared that if he asks them to not call everyday, it might hurt his sisters so he obliges. I dont understand why he feels that he needs to answer their every call. I am frustrated with my husband, i confronted him and asked him to spend time with me and our son. He thinks i have something against his sisters. All i want on this earth is them to let me live my life peacefully with my son and husband. they can call their brother and meet but there has to be limit to it when he needs to give sometime to his family as well. I know its more of my husband’s problem but I know how much his sisters have contributed to this problem. I won’t let them succeed in breaking my marriage, i want to save it but I need God’s advice to know what to do. How to deal with this sisters, how to convince my husband that he needs to find balance. My husband gets upset when i talk to him coz he thinks its a balanced life, i dont think it is. May be someone’s suggestion here can help me, please.
Best answer:
Answer by Magic 8 Ball BEST XMAS GIFT EVER
Your problem is not with your Sisters in Law, your problem is with your husband not laying down the line. Either accept that his sisters will continue to domineer your husband or demand that he put your family first.
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Tags:help,Marriage,please,Problems,Save,Sister
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wow your husband is totaly in the wrong un fortunately there isnt gonna be one answer on here that will save it but i would suggest seeing your pastor or church for marriage counseling
i’ve been thru something similar. the best way for me to make that situation work was to set my boundaries and grow some thicker skin. i simply stopped being their entertainment. wanna know what happened? my SIL called my husband crying because she *whining* “didn’t mean to lie about her” and “can’t understand why you don’t come see me anymore”. WTF-ever! she was pissed that she was bored and had no one to talk about anymore. my husband tried to pull that shyt on me talking abot “well, we don’t go over there”, and i said – “who the hell told you you couldn’t go? I don’t have to go for you to see your sister, do I?”…
that was the effin end of that. now when i see her, i just let her run her mouth. i don’t feed into anything she says, i don’t comment on her comments about the rest of the “family”, i don’t get into her business, and i certainly don’t let her into mine. we can talk, talk, talk all day long about HER shyt – you’re gonna leave me out of it.
want entertainment? turn on the TV.
family always seem to get in the way of marriage don’t they? You need to tell your husband to get a pair and become a man. I would never let anyone belittle my wife. No one. She is #1. His sisters need to know that! He sounds like a wimp to me. Is moving an option?
It sounds as though you are jealous of his sisters. I would begin by stopping the nagging to your husband about his sisters and let this issue lie dormant. The more you say about it the more he will become resentful. He thinks there is a balance and you probably won’t be able to change his mind. If in fact the sisters are doing these things then they do so because they get such a rise out of you.
Your husband loves you and. I am sure he would choose you and the baby over them if something came up to where he had to do so. Men are not complex creatures. They do not care for drama. To a man this would be a trivial thing.
Hi
I am sorry to have to say this but your husband no matter how nice he is,needs to get some backbone,and tell his sisters where to get off,i personally would not let any member of my family interfere with my marriage,perhaps they just need a good man of there own,although by the sound of it they would probably scare the men off,next time they have a dig at you tell them you married there brother not them
first of all, its not your husbands problem, its both of your problem. you two are a union and should tackle every problem as a team. im sure you know that already but you arent talking or acting like it.
that being said, you need to try to make a better connection with the sisters. i know you despise them right now but once you show them that you are part of their family & they, in return, are part of yours, they will accept you. why does it have to be you versus them? i feel sorry for your husband who is being pulled in both directions. as his wife, you should never make him choose between you & his family. he shouldnt always answer their calls but this shows a good quality in him, that he is loyal. you want him to answer all your calls, right? well, the calls will lessen once the sisters feel like you are not a threat to their sibling connection. why dont you pick up his phone when they call & chat with them? (not yell at them though!) they are, after all, now your sisters too.
so, grit your teeth & invite them all to a spa day or invite them over early for Christmas so they can help you cook because you “really need their help”. there are already 3 sisters and i know they would be willing to accept a 4th! this problem is up to you to solve, you know the solution now dont be too stubborn or proud to take action. your marriage is worth it.
That’s a tough one! His sisters should never want to make you guys have a divorce, they should not be in between you guys that much. It’s fine to keep in touch with a brother, but talking to him several hours a day is a bit odd, in my opinion. I think it would be better if they spoke a few times a week, if not less. I would consider you talking to the sisters about it. Set them straight! Seriously, just say something along the lines of..” hey I don’t appreciate you….etc.” & tell them how you feel. Even though it is his family, your husband needs to understand that you and his son are his main family now. He needs to realize that. Sister in laws can be the biggest pain ever! I learned that if you confront them directly about different concerns and feelings about situations you have, they will back off. I hope everything works out! If you need anymore advice or words of encouragement feel free to email me anytime! Good luck =D