try to save my marriage or divorce?
Question by missyb: try to save my marriage or divorce?
i’ve been married for 4 years, we have a 3 yr old and he cheated on me when i was pregnant. i stayed, he denied anything going on even though it was obvious because there were witnesses. anyway i stayed for our child sake and i wish i would of left then but here i am thinking i can make this work.. his never helped with taking care of our daughter. since day 1 i did everything, yea i know he works but so do i and he always uses the excuse ” you know how to deal with it better”. in the beginning he was controling and abusive, i also looked passed that to give my marriage a chance, he thinks his the smartest and i should ask him before doing anything as he would be very helpful, i feel like his more like the dad i never had than my husband. he make a lot of decissions without consuting wiht me, but i i do something without talking to him first he flips. so now 3 years later im sick of it, i care for him but there is no love there. i’ve been thinking about a divorce.. i also started talking to this guy online and his just so supportive and respective, he knows his place.. we have met once and he was such a genleman, never said or did anything to incfluence anything on me. i really like him and he likes me. we keep intouch daily and honestly the only thing i look forward everyday is talking to him… talking to him or being around him never seems to bore me but whenever my husband is home i wanna just shoot myself after 30 min wiht him,…i need help as too what to do.. and stop talking to the new guy is not gona help my marriage because i feel like it fel apart way before i started talking to this guy and were nothing but close friends for now.. what my heart tells me right now is end this loveless marriage and move on and find someone that will treat me better.. i also brought up the divorce to my husnabd and he threatens to take our child away since he works and im in school.. does he have a chnace, i mean his abusive, doesnt really know how to take care of her and has no support.. im in school but i have a lot of support from my family..
first of all i dont think grammar makes a difference here and my husnand works in a restaurant while im getting my BA in Finace thnx jimmy… and im going to school with my own money, no need to use him for anything, the only reason has been my daughter..
ohh the sad part is that my family doesnt believe in divorce even though its hell living this way.. i know they would do anything to help with my daughter but they will also hate me for ending my marriage…
Best answer:
Answer by happygirl19
yes save it
What do you think? Answer below!
Tags:divorce,Marriage,Save
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If divorce is what you want and you feel that the marriage cannot be saved, then get a divorce. Usually I believe counseling to be worth the effort but if he is abusive then you should find a safe way to leave. However, please stop pursuing a relationship with someone else. Even if you are “just close friends” this is obviously an emotional affair detracting from your current relationship. If you want a divorce, then get a divorce but finish your business with this relationship before moving on. You will be doing yourself and your next partner a big favor.
Go girl. Husbands are supposed to be partners not prison guards. I stayed with a guy after he cheated, got pregnant (accident) then ended up leaving. (Your guy sounds similar to my old one) Your lucky you have family support. Go & talk to them, & see what you can do. He won’t take your baby, that’s another form of control. He needs you more than you need him, cook dinner, do the washing etc.You wait, if after you leave him you need him to watch her while you go out some where he’ll suddenly have some thing to do. And if you start going out with another guy, your hubby is gonna flip, ha ha ha for him I mean, not you. Try not to rush into anything with the other guy, have fun but.
Its a tough spot. If he is abusive you will have to prove it. And you will need to be able to support your child independently to have custody. But if you are being abused you should never ever stay. You don’t deserve to live this way, and you don’t want your daughter growing up seeing it. If she does she will think it is normal, and may spend her whole life affected by it. You should turn to an abused women’s shelter. Look it up online, I don’t know where you live, but they are everywhere. They will give you a place to stay for yourself and your child, and give you counseling and advice. they can set you up with good divorce lawyers who do pro bono work.
one thing to keep in mind, keep your relationship with your online friend to a minimum for the time being. While I know its comforting to have someone there for you any time you need it, someone who validates you and raises your self efficacy, if your husband can prove you have been cheating he will make out very well in a divorce, even if he has cheated in the past.
Keep records and proof of abuse. If its verbal tape it, physical get pictures, go to the hospital if he ever hits you and it leave a mark.
and as soon as you get in touch with a shelter, get out. You deserve a better life.
You can’t save it if he isn’t willing to work on it. Is he? If yes, then try.
If he isn’t, would you want your child to be treated this way? Remember you are setting an example.
Have you considered marriage therapy?
i don’t think some guy online is going to break your fall.
understand, when and if you divorce it will be painful and hard. your three-year-old child will have a replacement who will never love her as your husband does – in spite of his behavior.
get out of the marriage and put the guy on hold until you straighten out YOUR life and your child’s life -or, when the relationship with the new guy falls apart, you will be dependent and desparate for sosme other guy to come along and take care of you and whatever kids you have by then. take the husband to court and establish custody of your child. he can not just “take the child away” surrepticiously, but it IS his child and he has the right to see her. i belive you will get primary custody but the bigger issue right now for you is to stop planning your future around some man and get it together for yourself.
What the heck! Honey, listen, life is way too short to be living like this. Forget trying to fix this, he had no problem cheating on you while you were pregnant. Hello, he will do it again. Secondly, a real husband/father would help take care of his child if only to give the woman he supposedly loves a break once in a while. Finish school, use his money for that, then leave his ass. I am sorry, I have been there, staying together for your daughter’s sake is not always the best answer. Sooner or later as she gets a little older, she will see your unhappiness and realize why and maybe even hate her father for doing it to you.
I can definitely relate. If there’s no love there than it’s time to let go. I have three kids with my husband and we were together nine years and went through hell and back too much. I told him there was no love there and he knew that if he kept messing up that it would end,and it did. You said you have support from family,well than you and your baby will be fine. He can threaten you as much as he wants but in reality he would have to prove you unfit. Most importantly do whats best for you and that child of yours