When did you start thinking divorce was your only answer?
Question by Daniel: When did you start thinking divorce was your only answer?
For a month now I been contemplating back in forth in my mind to divorce my husband or not too. This is a very hard decision I do love him. But I’m not in love with him! He didn’t treat me the best when I was pregnant. Everything in the world revolves around him! I tried for months talking to him it doesn’t work. He says he loves me I think he does but that’s not good enough. I live in a marriage everyday where he shows no affection towards me unless he wants something. I have dealt with in the past if I touch him he has ask me what am I doing? Or moves away from me. But yet he is the jealous type that has to know what I’m doing at all times. He spends all his free time playing computer games or watching TV! He hardly helps me with our new born. He does nothing around the house and he only pays 1 bill. I have just had it! It’s like I’m a single mom the way it is. Counseling is not an option he won’t go trust me! He thinks he never does anything wrong and all I do is complain. He is always right I’m always wrong!
I just think this might be best and am going to think about the divorce thing a little bit more and when I make up my mind him and I are going to have a serious talk.
I just can’t do this anymore emotionally I am done! I want to be in a relationship one day where it is 50/50. Right now I am 99% of the relationship I have done everything to try and save the marriage with someone who isn’t trying it’s a lost cause. My question is when is enough enough? When do you know it’s time to just say screw it and go your own way? I’m 29 I don’t want to wake up in 20 years regretting staying with someone who ignores me no sex life and being alone all the time.
Best answer:
Answer by gators’ fan
I never thought it was the only answer, but a time came when I decided it was a *better* answer. I felt unloved by my ex in a similar way you do – he wasn’t there for me when I had difficulties with my career, he’d just shut the door and say I can stay in the living room and deal with it while he’d stay in the bedroom and not be bothered. He did some chores, no complaints there, but still.
But the big difference is – we don’t have any children together.
Talk to him that you’re contemplating divorce before you make up your mind, not after you make up you mind. He might just finally get it before it’s too late. If you postpone the talking till the time you make up your mind there will be no point in talking anymore, because once you made a decision to leave you will be emotionally gone already, it will be too late for him to try to change.
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have divorce papers delivered to him and tell him you’ve had enough and you want out….dont matter if he signs them or not you still can get the divorce…..
Sounds like you pretty much made up your mind.
divorce was the only answer for me when the judge took everything and i do mean everything away from me and there she was wanting the clothes i was wearing also. no joke!! hang in there, even if you go crazy and lick windows and pee on yourself. try the counciling, you talking to him, and exhaust every effort to save your marriage. you might even file for a divorce as a way to open his eyes not that you would actually go through with it. just a thought
My ex-husband and I went through the first part of Dr. Phil’s “Relationship Rescue” hard back (we didn’t even get to the workbook). We did several of the exercises in the book tallied up our scores and found out there was little to no hope left in our marriage. That is when I decided that it was over and it wasn’t worth trying any more.
When I found out conclusively my ex not only cheated but was carrying someone Else’s kid.
enough is enough is different for everyone. sounds like your feelings are pretty clear and telling you which direction to take.
when i said it outloud. first to myself, then to him. right there it was done.
Tell your husband that you’re seriously considering leaving. That might wake him up. Don’t expect him to change who he is entirely. He is likely to be the way he is now the rest of his life. Also, go to counseling on your own.
For me enough was enough when he made clear he expected me to give up everything for him (including job) and was not going to take care of me. And then proceeded to tell me he needed to look after me as I could not look after myself emotionally.
That is when I knew I had given this man everything I possibly could give and nothing was ever going to be enough.