Would you divorce if you had no affection/sex in marriage?
Question by kurisu_3boys: Would you divorce if you had no affection/sex in marriage?
My marrige is a quasi-pit of stress, depression, with pockets of joy. It really started when I came back from Iraq four years ago, we were going to get divorced but decided to “stick it out.” Anyways, our relationship has degenerated and she refers to me as “she has love for me but not in love with me.” We have three boys which really makes this hard but I feel lonely and in a loveless marriage. I think we have had sex maybe 4 times in the last two years. Anytime I bring it up or initiate it she isn’t interested. Recently we got into an argument where I brought up divorce and now she doesn’t want it. But in a week nothing really has changed. I don’t want to be in an “marriage of convenience” and I don’t accept the roommate theory of a relationship. I also don’t believe in the”Titanic” love but I feel like I’m missing out. I’m in my prime, I’m in great physical shape, eat healthy and I don’t have any bad habits. I have even tried “dating” her again by taking her out and be romantic with flowers and such. I guess she thinks this is in my head and to her she says she never is in the mood. I don’t think she is cheating but she doesn’t want to see a doctor to see if she has any kind of medical or psychological problems. She even flat out rejected marriage enrichment or counseling which I have offered her as an effort to save the marriage. Would you divorce your spouse if you had no affection or sex in your marriage like mine? Would it make you feel like a jerk?
BTW, I do have love for her, but I don’t know if I’m in love with her anymore. Too much been there done that and I definately feel like I don’t want to be one of those “thirty year” unhappy couples.
Best answer:
Answer by 孫子兵法
yes!
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Tags:affection/sex,divorce,Marriage,Would
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Yes, a good relationship is worth finding and if you don’t have it there, then find it. It takes sex and affection. Without it, it will never work.
I also agree that you have done a good job at trying to make the “love” happen again. Some women just turn cold as soon as you put that ring on their finger, I seen it plenty.. I have seen it alot with the younger ones that always get whatever they want & what they want usually involves money. I would leave if I were you, or it is going to come down to you cheating on her & I think you will feel alot worse if you do that!
Yes it’s time to go and venture out and enjoy the finer things in life
She’s just holding on to you to reap some of those military benefits. 4 kids in a recession, I would hold out as well. She may also be depressed. Get out before it gets worse. You sound like a great man, you deserve the best!
I’m almost in the same boat as you. However, even though I don’t feel the love for my wife like I used to, I still think that I can fall back in love with her. A lot of damage has been caused between the two of us but I have to admit that I think I can still make it work.
Here’s what I’m doing and I think it’s actually working a little. First, believe that you can save your marriage by yourself. You do not need her. One person can save a marriage. Three kids could learn a lot from you saving this one.
Second, become totally invested in Willard F. Harley’s concepts (Love Busters, His Needs Her Needs, Joint Agreement, etc). These give solid backings to your feelings and perhaps hers.
Third, find the inspiration of being happy even within your situation. This might sound bizarre but there’s a reason your in this predicament. Maybe it’s to learn these concepts. Maybe it’s in order to redefine the relationship with your wife. I don’t know what it is, but be joyful in that you are a wonderful person and have a lot of love to give the world. More inspiration may come from Dr. Phil, Anthony Robbins, I’m not sure what will work for you but all of these are free at the library. I have hooked my wife on Esther Hicks and she’s starting to respond positively. She got hooked when overheard what I was listening to. I did not push any of this on her.
Good luck.
its a brutal world we live in and finding a person to share our lives with is a blessing from above, sometimes we jump the gun on thinking were with the right person but a year or so signs begin to display themselfs, one can be so in love that we refuse to acknowledge them, so we adjust to thier way thinking that it will be better and make her happy, so you keep adjusting until you find that your own morales seem to disapear and your very essesincestarts to lose its perspective, your heart begins to yearn for the love that it has given. your running on empty, but you cant keep a caged animal , it wants out wants it freedom, but to whose loss? but you let it go because thats the thing to do, and you want it to be happy although your the one that has to sacrifice , good luck ..